Don’t Let Fear Define What ‘Enough’ Means to You

I’ve been witnessing a trend behind inaction. 

When people explain why they can’t make a major decision, they’d cite money or stability as a reason. 

Often, this roadblock disappears when I get them to articulate the amount that’s “enough” for them. 

Stability is a tougher creature. Here’s the irony: when pain gets overwhelming, it gets projected into the future as a safety net because anything is preferable to uncertainty. 

No wonder a common deathbed regret is “I wish that I had let myself be happier,” according to former palliative carer Bronnie Ware. 

We want everything and anything if we don’t know what “enough” looks like for us. 

Worse, we tend to outsource our definition of “enough” to society and social media, where mob mentality marketing reigns. 

Two tales of ‘enough’

“He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.” (Lao Tzu)

Knowing what’s “enough” doesn’t mean satisficing, where we settle for the mediocre option instead of pursuing something optimal. 

Here are two men living their “enough” in different ways. One is a friend; another is a historical figure. 

My friend hasn’t received a steady income for seven years, after being laid off from a part-time position. 

A rocker by passion and philosopher at heart, he lost his parents in recent years. He now lives alone. 

I’ve never met another person who truly embodies the word “enough.” 

He’s turning 60 and hikes daily, exploring diverse sights and sounds. He makes music regularly and lives simply. He has friends who have his back.

Every day, he captures life’s beauty with a photo and quote. Recently, he posted a scene from a neighborhood with this saying:

"I am not interested in slice of life, what I want is a slice of the imagination." (Carlos Fuentes)

As such, he’s physically robust and mentally sharp – the very picture of health. 

The second man – J.D. Rockefeller, American business magnate, philanthropist, and visionary – couldn’t be more disparate. His 11th letter to his son was subtitled: “Greed is necessary, it’s important to prioritizing oneself and taking control of one’s destiny.” 

Yet Rockefeller knew what, to him, was “enough.” He had strong principles and ethics, including his radical resilience and responsibility. In his 12th letter to his son, he wrote: 

“I say that those who condemn my endless greed are wrong. In fact, I do not like money. What I like is making money. What I like is the good feeling of victory. … 

“John, I like victory, but I do not like unscrupulous pursuit of victory. A victory at any cost is not a victory.” 

As such, he has been hailed by many as a leader and man to emulate.

Both my friend and Rockefeller share a trait: they didn’t let fear or peer pressure dictate their private definitions of “enough.” 

Instead, they knew what was “enough” to them and crafted their lives accordingly.

To my friend, success meant persevering even when the environment wasn’t friendly towards the arts. To Rockefeller, it meant ignoring naysayers and shooting for the moon. In his words:

“The people who can get ahead in this world are those who know how to find their ideal environment. If they cannot do it, they will create it themselves.”

The danger of an open-ended ‘enough’

“We have everything we need to be happy, but we aren't happy. Something's missing.” (Ray Bradbury)

If we don’t know what “enough” means to us, we’ll never be enough for ourselves. 

That’s when we’ll be susceptible to “experts” jumping in to tell us what to do. But what works for them may not work for us. Context tends to be omitted from marketing collateral.

Then we get into the vicious cycle of wondering why we aren’t, or don’t have, “enough.” 

We end up not being able to fulfill our true potential. Contentment becomes a distant dream.

When “enough” is open-ended, fear in these forms usually creep up on us:

• Perfectionism, nudging us to stay in unsatisfactory situations to prove ourselves 

• Anxiousness, with excessive future-thinking overwhelming mindful presence

• Greed, where we forget our purpose and let money become its only end

That’s why we have to define what’s “enough” before it defines us, especially when we’re making a big decision.

Before I left my full-time job last year, I defined what “enough” meant to me:

• Finances: Did I have sufficient savings to cover the payment of my insurance premiums and endowment plans? 

• Well-being: Would my resignation help me heal, so that I can feel more centered and aligned? 

• Living: Was I able to live simply, with occasional expenditure on what brings me to life, i.e., books, music, learning? 

I took a calculator and tabulated the necessary. I drafted a “Move, Write, Learn, Connect” plan for my well-being. I bought fresh groceries and cooked nourishing food, while investing in good books and lessons.

It helped that I was already living simply before this and avoided debts. I just had to trim my wants and focus on my needs. 

Now, when “enough” doesn’t feel adequate to me, I pause and reflect. Is it because I’m growing and expanding my thinking, or am I following the bandwagon? 

Glimpsing Rockefeller’s letters has given me the motivation to push the envelope of what “enough” means to me, while keeping me grounded with integrity. 

I want to keep being in my driver’s seat and choose which passengers I accept, instead of letting them take over out of fear. 

In a world of “not enough,” I want to stay autonomous and centered by owning my “enough.”

I want to practice Rockefeller’s radical responsibility, which also gave him spiritual wealth and confidence:

“When something bad happens to us, I will stop and ask myself a question: ‘What are my responsibilities?’ … 

“[By] fully and honestly assessing my role, I can avoid spying on what others have done, or asking other people to change something and doing other meaningless actions. In fact, only by focusing on myself can I reclaim the crown that I inadvertently gave up.

“The stronger you are, the smaller the influence of others will be.”